Author: Ken
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北冰洋纯净水
受不了每天晚上醒来喉咙干涩的感觉,终于去附近的水站买了十桶纯净水,都没有便宜款的卖,最便宜的就是百事可乐出的啥北冰洋纯净水,要十二块一桶~加入加湿器,开到最大,这个加湿器是从葳君住所拿来,婷妹离京之前留给他的,只不过他一直用自来水,把换能片搞得很脏,以至于后来根本就不能用,我拿来清洗了一下,风扇也拆开加了点防晒霜,用起来感觉很正常,只是过于寒冷的水倒进去会导致胶垫热胀冷缩而漏水,看起来似乎没多大的温差,实际上却有多达十度的差距,很多事情和我们想象的不一样。

那天我跟曦君说,你女朋友要是跟葳君的一样我定拆无疑,他十分惊诧,因为我曾经跟他保证过,绝不会被葳君老婆激怒,事情起因于我到葳君住所去取一些东西,其中包括上面提到的加湿器,我打开专用清洁剂倒入加湿器,在洗手台开始清洗,这个女人发狂一般从正在写作的电脑前跳到了厨房,开始对着我狂吼,说这是吃饭的地方,我把下面很久没洗已经长霉的碗碟弄脏了,我说我待会儿帮你把这些碗碟洗了,她依然不肯罢休,我想了半天,很难理解,一个人指着很久没洗已经长霉的碗碟跟我说你要保持碗碟的干净,当然,这些事情发生在葳君不在的时候,如果他在,我觉得还是不太可能,以前我觉得葳君眼光差点也就罢了,但是我没想到居然这么差,我现在终于理解到爽妹和婷妹为什么如此愤愤而曦君如此不愿意去葳君那里,我向大家保证,我不会刻意去拆散他们,但在他们出现裂痕的时候,我绝不会再鼓励葳君坚持自己的想法。同时我相信曦君的眼光不会那么差,要是真那么差,我就只能鄙视他了。 -
A Poem Competition
A poem competition was held by Washington Post not long ago. The competitors were requested to write a ryming couplet: The first line ought to be as romantic as it can be, and the 2nd line be as least romantic as possible. The following ryming couplets are among the best.
华盛顿邮报搞了一个比赛,要求写两行押韵的诗,第一行能多浪漫就多浪漫,第二行能多不浪漫就多不浪漫。以下是入选作品。
——
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life我的心肝,我的挚爱,我美丽的贤妻,
我这辈子就毁在你手里。I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.你的容颜依稀入梦境,
于是我在尖叫中惊醒。Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.善良、聪慧、多情而性感,
可惜这些你一条都不占。Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.爱是上天赐福,爱情多么美好,
可我与你同眠只是因为喝高。(pissed = drunk = drink too much)I thought that I could love no other
— that is until I met your brother.曾以为一生只爱你一个
直到遇见你的二表哥。Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.娇艳的紫罗兰,鲜红的玫瑰,甜蜜的糖,就像你一样美。
但紫罗兰会凋谢,玫瑰会枯黄,糖碗空空如也,和你的脑袋一样。I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.我渴望你温柔的拥抱,
但别把你脸上的面具摘掉。I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!我爱你的明眸,你的脸庞,你的微笑,
妈的,我真是说谎不打草稿!My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?爱人啊,你简直让我窒息,
你在哪沾上的一身臭气?My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’我对你的深情无法付诸言语,
除了一句“滚一边去”!What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.是什么激发了我多情的诗篇?
伏特加两杯,酸柠檬一片。
